Have You Really Grasped the Appropriate Use of Words?

I think everyone would agree that words are impactful, but I’m really not sure that everyone respects the appropriate use of our words.

Words can be helpful and uplifting. I am very careful that the words I use are not misunderstood or misinterpreted. That is why in my blogs like this one, at times I will give two words that mean the same for clarification or a better understanding. I do all that I can to make sure the readers understand the words.

The choices we make with our words and our over-all language sets the parameters or limitations of our lives. The skillfulness of directing our words can and will influence the many factors of our ability to succeed both individually and for work. I strongly believe that the real power in our words is in their meaning and the interpretation of them by others.

There are 2 areas of our lives that I’d like to briefly address when it comes to the appropriate use of our words.

• In determining the meaning of events in our lives, and
• Our responsibility to choose or find an inspiring meaning to the events in our lives involving other people.

When it comes to determining the meaning of events in our lives, I feel that many of us miss the point of these events. By that I mean, if it is not perfect or according to ‘our’ plan there can be a tendency to act like the world is falling apart, and we say words like; ‘This is devastating!’ or ‘How could this happen?’ Don’t get me wrong, I’ve lived like this at times in my life. If we choose a disempowering choice of our words there is a tendency to disable the meaning of our life, our choice, and we must live with that decision. In other words, it becomes part of our life, and sadly there is ‘leakage’! We leak this disempowering attitude to all those we come in contact with.

While it can be related to the above, I also believe that it is our responsibility to find an inspiring meaning to the events in our lives involving other people. I state that because we all know that at times we have been ‘put through the wringer’ by others actions. At least that is what we think! Although that might not be really the situation. We say words like; ‘How could they do that to me?’ These types of words give power to the other person. It is sending you a message that ‘I am not in control of my thoughts. Their opinion of me is more important that how I value myself.’

As you know, the emotions we feel, the incidents we experience, and our ability to relate with other humans are all coordinated or controlled by language. If you want more influence, and more support in our lives we can begin with a better understanding of the power in what we say to ourselves and what we think about others.

So how do you do this?

In a book I wrote over a decade ago, I addressed this concern with a simple formula. It is; E + T + R = O.

Which means that an event (E) takes place first, plus you have your thoughts (T) about the event, plus your reaction (R), equals your outcome (O).

The event (E) + your thoughts (T) + your reaction (R) usually occurs in an instant, which as you know can have a great impact on your outcome (O).

Choosing the right thoughts before you react is essential and often a challenging task because it requires recognizing that context plays in determining the best outcomes. Below you’ll find a few guidelines to help you in the process:

1. Pause, before you do, or say anything. (By the way, a pause before you say anything says to the other person, I am thoughtful.)
2. Consider what might be the right thoughts given the context of the incident.
3. Consider what might be the right words to express at this time.
4. Use the clearest and most direct way to articulate your thoughts.

Does that make sense?

Can you see how it can lead to avoiding hard-feelings with people you may associate with?