How Much Can or Do You Tolerate in Life?

I want to begin by writing that I’ve known about tolerance for many, many, years due to having friends in the automotive industry. They were always speaking about how little tolerance is accepted when it comes to machines or motors. My understanding was that if when the product was being made and it did not have a specific (often minuscule tolerance) it would not operate as designed.

In fact, on the Universal Technical Institute website, it states that ‘CNC machining requires great precision. In this industry, being off by just a millimeter can lead to critical errors.’

Does this relate to people?

When it comes to people, according to Websters dictionary, tolerance means “having the ability or willingness to tolerate something, the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with.”

As you know we all have conversations about social issues, and our beliefs about how we feel about those issues. You also understand that the conversation can cause the rousing of emotions. It’s not always easy to hear or accept when someone offers a very different opinion from your own. It gets even more difficult when the method is the opposite of well-mannered dialogue. The elevated emotions joined with an opinion instead of a discerning delivery can block our ability to really listen to their perspective. Due to this the give-and-take can become unbalanced, and upsetting. Many times, our response can hide our emotions for the sake of respecting the relationship. We may even ask ourselves questions like; ‘Is this tolerance toward conflicting beliefs?’, or ‘Is this a lesson for learning mutual respect, and discernment?’

In Psychology Today, an article states that ‘Tolerance is seen as a behavior, a virtue, a belief, and even a theory of intergroup relations. As a behavior, tolerance can be seen in different ways. We can be tolerant, which suggests acceptance and being okay with the behaviors of others even if we don’t entirely agree. I may not like your political views, but I am not offended so I can agree to disagree with you. I can tolerate a situation, which suggests withstanding adverse conditions while thinking the behaviors of others is unacceptable. For example, I worked for a boss who was mean and a bully. I hated the behaviors, but I needed the job. I had to tolerate a bad situation.

I once heard a speaker state ‘Subjective fantasies will never be agreed on.” My understanding of a subjective fantasy is a story created and imagined by an individual, often based on their feelings and personal preferences rather than objective reality. I truly believe that we have to consider or examine this on a deeper level. Let me give you a few examples people have exclaimed;

• “I am going to earn $1 million dollars before the end of the year.” And yet they have not earned $20 thousand in the past year.
• “I am going to win the Masters golf tournament this year.” And they have never picked up a golf club.

As you would deduce or guess these statements seem to be subjective fantasies.

I bring up fantasies to this blog because I believe that when we tolerate a belief that is incomprehensible or fantasy-like, we are not doing anyone any favors. The question of how much one should tolerate is directly related to how much that person loves others and themselves. I believe that love is willing the good of another person. It is also likely that if boundaries are too loose it is likely that a person will tolerate too much, and feel taken advantage of and be exhausted.

Consider the following from Women On Purpose; “You get what you tolerate. What do I mean by that? Am I saying that everyone is responsible for everything that happens to them in life? No. History is replete with examples of people in absolutely untenable situations not of their own doing. Having said that, as a basic life lesson or starting point, you could do worse than embracing and operating from the philosophy: you will get what you tolerate. This holds true in life.”

Before I conclude I’ll quote Rick Warren (American pastor and author) who stated “Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear them or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”

Does this make sense?

Can you think of other examples of subjective fantasies?

If it does, how will you use what you’ve read?