Is family, the test run of how we will manage life?

Have you ever wondered about this question?

If not, enjoy this perspective.

For the past number of years, I’ve been noticing that many (not all) young people seem to be having more and more challenges in life. I hear the phrase; ‘I’m traumatized.’ more times than I thought I’d ever hear.

It surprises me because when you compare this day and age to a time let’s say 40 years ago, it seems surprising to me.

Did you know that there was an increase in suicides from 1950 to 1990 in the U.S.A.? Then there was a sharp decline from 1990 to 2002, and the sharp increase, again, beginning about 2010.

There is a large difference in the suicide rate for people of all ages. Generally, it is reported that girls and women attempt suicide more than do boys and men, but boys and men complete it more. To this I must concede that the label ‘attempted suicide’ is very deceiving. When a person ‘attempts suicide’ but doesn’t die, what was it; an actual suicide attempt or was it a cry for help?

As the eldest of 4 brothers and father of 2 daughters, I would say on average males are more reckless than females, and this may be especially true for teens. This explains why boys do the risky things more frequently than do girls.

What is it that caused the huge increase in male suicides between 1950 and 1990?

According to my research the primary cause of the huge increase in suicides over those forty years was a continuous decline in the freedom of children and teens to do what they must do to be happy and to develop the character traits, like courage, that are essential to deal with the challenges life offers (Gray, 2011, 2013; Gray, Lancy, & Bjorklund, 2023).

We have also denied the male evolutionary necessity to gather in groups during their teen years and roam around getting into trouble. Isn’t it interesting that what we might think is a civilizing influence could be failing?

Then there is the decline in church attendance that may be a cause. There is strong evidence that people who attend church are on average happier than those who don’t. Church attendance brings people together and gives the possibility of increased friendships, and social support, which would reduce depression and suicide.

These are just a few options we need to consider when it comes to the cause of the increased rate of teen suicides between 1950 and 1990. I truly believe there is another factor, perhaps the decline in parental presence at home may have contributed to some degree.

The societal changes that reduced children’s opportunities for independent adventure after about 1950 include the arrival of television, to the rise of adult’s being directly involves in all kids’ sports and, finally, the increased monitoring of kids by parents using technology.

All the developments I have outlined since the 50’s show an extraordinary shift in how kids are treated and viewed. While kids in the 50’s were once seen as tough and competent. The children of later years came increasingly to be seen as precious, and fragile. Now consider this, if you see yourself as precious, and fragile, life is scary and depressing, isn’t it? That is why I believe that rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide rose continuously and dramatically for teenagers over this 40-year period.

Have you noticed that even the earliest milestones for children are getting delayed. Research from 2018 shows that parents are potty training their children later. Consider this, most children used to be fully toilet trained at 12 to 18 months old, but that age has swelled to three years old.

Has North America become a land of ‘mass arrested development’.

Young adults in the United States are reaching key life milestones later than they did 40 years ago, according to a new Pew Research Center analysis of Census Bureau data. In this analysis adults who are 21 are less likely than their predecessors of forty years ago to have reached five milestones of adulthood: having a full-time job, being financially independent, living on their own, getting married and having a child.

Is this why many of the people who graduated university or college will not be able to handle a typical workplace? Is this why so many people in their mid-to-late 30s have never moved out of their homes? Is it because they can’t hold a job?

I hope my questions will cause many of the people that read this to take action. I have not given any solutions because I know that every one of you have the brain capacity to come up with the best solution for your household.

The questions are;

• How important to you is the long-term development of your children?
• Will you do anything about?
• What will you do?