Are we really in complete control?

If we aren’t in control we must be victims, aren’t we?

At least this is what some organizations are purporting.

The company is called Nxivm (pronounced Nexium) and the companies founder is promoting that we are all in control, that is complete control of ourselves all the time. And if we are not we have chosen to be victims.

I take issue with that statement. I say that because there are times in a person’s life when they don’t have control. Take for example the loss of health with an incident like a heart attack. Is the person going to be called a victim for this health issue? Is the person whose spouse has died and is grieving going to be called a victim? Is the young child who is being bullied a victim?

The reason why I bring those examples up is that with the fast pace of society that we live in, and the ‘what’s in it for me’ attitude of so many people we tend to forget to look inward when it comes to the losses we incur in life. As Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., has written in her book ‘Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety’; narcissists’ need for validation stems from their self-esteem issues. It was when she compared the narcissists’ self-esteem issues to an outdoor thermometer that it made so much sense to me. Yes, Narcissists only react well to external validations and the conditions that the validation give to them.

Yes, whether it is the loss of health due to a heart attack, or the loss of a spouse due to death or the loss of well-being due to bullying; we have a tendency to forget about all the inner resources that are available to us due to how society has influenced us.

With all the focus in this world being on self-improvement, we’ve lost sight of the bigger picture. With the wants of being skinnier, healthier, and younger-looking; we’ve lost what it means to be caring and compassionate about others. In fact, when we are focused on being skinnier, healthier, and younger-looking; we are not really improving, are we? We may eat healthier or follow what a Hollywood star says but correct me if I am wrong we (as a whole society) seem to be more narcissistic than at any time I can think of.

Yes, Nxivm has positioned itself as the be-all-end-all self-improvement organization, but is what they are promoting truly helping?

That should be the bottom-line shouldn’t it?