What Science Tells Us About Our Reactions

Would you agree that we live in a world that demands our attention in many different ways? If you do; it is a world where one click on the computer is enough to open up an endless number of possibilities. It distracts us from many of the important things in our life. The danger of becoming too scattered is all the more present when we are fascinated by uniqueness of these new ideas. There is the major risk of becoming so scattered that we are not being attentive to our inner voice.

Would you agree that wisdom can be recognized in those who are reflective, who take into consideration the various aspects of reality in order to adapt and make the right decisions; intelligently and compassionately?

Although much of the performance of our actions and reactions occur without our full awareness, we understand when we are the performers of our own behavior. We can also predict and are conscious of the consequences of our intended actions, especially with reference to our goals. The feeling of voluntarily controlling our own actions and, through them, the events in the outside world is the so-called “sense of agency.” Which according to the National Center for Biotechnology Information the “sense of agency” refers to the feeling of control over actions and their consequences. And remember this sense of control is so important in all relationships and interactions. Also consider that this sense of control is not about controlling, it is about managing the storms of life by retaining your common sense.

I state that because we as humans make many decisions based on what took place before in our lives. Which means that if something occurred in the past and a similar experience occurred today we would probably handle it the same way – no matter the past result. While it may seem funny to say that, why don’t you look at yourself when someone criticizes something you have done. It usually appears that we’ve gone back to a past time and acted the same way. Consider this: an adult 50 years old is criticized and feels hurt, how does that person react? Probably like someone a great deal younger than they are.

I was told many years ago that we (us individually) bring 3 people into every discussion, the child, the parent, and the adult. We make the decision as to who will speak. For example in the experience just mentioned; the child reacts negatively to the criticism. The parent corrects the person who gave the criticism. And the adult will respond or react in a mature way and ask questions to find out why the criticism occurred. The bottom-line is that we need to assess ourselves and others by their actions, not the intentions we are assuming. Can you see and understand the difference?

So what do you do?

I believe that we all need to take 4 steps;

• stop and think when an incident or comment happens. By this I mean, count to 10 after a comment is made to you, no matter what type of comment (this step is all about your inner wisdom),
• realize that those 10 seconds gives the person who spoke to you a welcome appreciation for their comment (it doesn’t mean that you agree with it),
• understand that those 10 seconds gives you time to formulate what you want to say next (and you are not over reacting), and
• respond to their actions using your adult intellect and voice.

Can you see how this will help you move into a more adult method of operation in challenging circumstances?